International Women’s Day – It’s a big deal. It’s an opportunity to celebrate female leadership, women’s right for equality and it’s a chance to highlight women’s achievements.
But I have a confession to make. When I look at myself, I struggle to see those qualities come through. I’m not asking for accolades and praise, but I do wish I could see leadership, strength or resilience in myself. Instead I simply see myself as someone who works hard for what she has in life, like anyone else does. I see myself as someone who tries to to my best in anything I take on and who strives to push myself to do better, to do more and be more. But I don’t see myself as a leader on a normal day, let alone on International Women’s Day when so many worthy women are being recognized.
And as I write that, I can’t help but wonder, maybe there is a problem with that statement. If I look back on the past five years, I know deep down that I’ve done a lot in the community. I don’t like to come across as bragging – so I don’t talk about it a whole lot. Instead I just buckle down and get what needs to be done, done. And maybe it all goes back to how many times I’ve been looked over, passed over and talked over. When your voice is silenced again and again, I guess you start thinking maybe what you have to say isn’t worth being listened to.
I can recall too many circumstances where I was not treated equally or when I wasn’t listened to, and it’s hard to believe it was for any other reason than my gender.
– When looking to purchase a new vehicle and the salesman only spoke to my husband. For a while I continued to try and interject, but the conversation happened around me – I wasn’t part of it. We didn’t buy from that dealership – and truth be told, it is unlikely I ever will.
– When meeting with a volunteer group regarding the National Mixed Curling Championship held in Yarmouth a few years ago. The Curling event was going to affect a big event that this group puts on every year. I organized the meeting and arrived first, introduced myself and when I began the dialogue, I was talked over and not given the chance to explain my point of view. I was blown away at the treatment I received. My husband was running late and showed up about ten minutes later and introduced himself. The shift that happened in that room was paramount – he was given the chance to speak to the reason we were there. He said the same things I would have said while I sat in silence for the rest of the evening.
– When hosting a festival in town in 2019, a customer was unhappy with her ticket purchase and I offered her three possible options to make it right. She declined them all. A short time later I saw the same customer sitting alone on her phone so I approached to offer again a solution to her situation. She scoffed at me and said, never mind – she was emailing the organizer of the event and named my husband. When I told her of the relationship, that the person she was emailing was my partner and I could help her as much as he could, she turned and walked away.
When I start looking back over the past several years, I can’t believe how often this still happens. That a female business owner/volunteer/customer/etc. is overlooked, talked over, ignored. How archaic is it that a salesman wants to speak to “the man of the house”. That a volunteer group stops to listen to a male who is presenting. How a customer only believes that the “manager” of a shop or “organizer” of an event can be a man.
So it’s no wonder that I have a hard time identifying strength and leadership skills in myself. I have been bulldozed over again and again. I could give you five, ten, twenty more examples of it happening. But I won’t.
Instead, on International Women’s Day I will say this. That I am currently the ONLY female voice on Y-95 CJLS. And I am proud to be here. I am not here to speak for the women of Yarmouth, because if I was I would only be silencing them as I’ve been forced to sit in silence. I’m here to speak with you, to have dialogue that is interesting and engaging. I want to highlight strong women and celebrate your accomplishments, not matter the size of them. Because you deserve to have them recognized. You deserve to have an equal voice at the table.
– Candice